Today is one of those days that im down in the dumps. I know Ellyot is a happy baby but I know he would be happier if he could do more... do what he should be able to do at his age. He gets so frustrated when he cant do something like get the toy that just rolled away from him, go over to his dad when he comes home from work and hug him or even sit up when he is tired of being on his belly and back. As happy as i am when i see photos and videos of my friends kids that are younger and the same age as Ellyot, it also breaks my heart. (very bitter sweet) As soon as I think omg thats too cute or 'wow!! that's great!!' I feel that dropping feeling in my chest and cant help but think Ellyot should be doing that... when is ellyot going to start doing that...
I wish there was more that I could do. More then just make appointments for him to see all these specialist for them to just tell me "well we will have to wait and see what happens. Lets get some blood work done to check stuff out. Oh they took blood for that? well lets get more blood from him to check out this."
I know getting all this done is good for him in the long run and will answer some of my questions but I hate seeing him treated like a lab rat. It kills me when strangers ask me how old he is and when i say 10 months they look at me like 'do you not feed him?! why is he so small?!'
I wouldnt change him in a million years because to me he is perfect... I just wish things were different so HE could have a normal life. I dread the day he is finally able to ask me "mommy why am I not like those other kids"
Only person that knows I have these breakdowns is my husband because I dont think anyone else will understand.
It is always reassuring when all his doctors tell me how good of a job im doing with him and making sure he gets what he needs. Just have to take things one day at a time.
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